A Stronger Woman

I heard this song yesterday and I was so inspired. I have never been a huge Jewel fan, but goodness, this one just fits every aspect of my last relationship. And well, all of them. lol One of these days I will learn. Stop dating the jerk, the one that is popular with all the "Cool" people. Date the one that cares. That respects. That loves. And that gives the same as he is given wtihout you having to ask for it. Don't expect perfection. Don't settle. go for everything you deserve, and get it. And for goodness sakes, Love Yourself more that ANYONE else.

I guess you could say I'm one of those girls
That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type
Like right now, he sleeps while I write
But it's better than crying
I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here
Just till he's horny and hungry
or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean

But not tonight
'Cause come the morning light, oh
I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me

I'm going to be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no,
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me

Light bulbs buzz,
I get up
And head to my drawer
I wish there was more
I could say
Another fairytale fades to gray
I've lived on hope
Just like a child
Walking that mile
Faking that smile
All the while
Wishing my heart had wings

Well tonight, I'm going to be
The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be, oh

I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
I won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman
This is me, packing up my bags
And this is me, headed for the door
And this is me, the best you ever had
I'm going to love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
even if someone cannot see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stay with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman
A stronger woman
There's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me.

So, possibly I recover to quickly. Or, maybe I have just trained myself to stop caring quite so much. I don't really know my reason. But when i was with him, I hated it when he wouldn't call. But, now that we aren't together, I really don't miss him that much. Of course, he hasn't really given me the opportunity. lol

I am going out this weekend and I am going to have an absolute blast. Don't know what I am going to do, but I do know one thing. I am not going to hold back. I am going to truly have fun, and not worry about what Nick may think. Because I know that never crossed his mind when we were dating. Or, if it did, not near often enough. I love my life, I love my son, and I love my friends and family. I don't need a man to keep me company, or keep me content. I need my own happiness, and i am going to keep looking until i find ever bit of it. And then, maybe when I am happy, I will settle down. Have a real house with a real family. Not a pretend kind like what I have had in the past. Bye for now, that is only half of what I have to say, but I will end with this:

I move on like a sinners prayer

And letting go like a levee breaks

Walk away as if I don't care

Learn to shoulder my mistakes

Or built to fade like your favorite song

Get reckless when there's no needLaugh as your stories ramble on

Break my heart, but it won't bleed

My only friends are pirates

That's just who I am

But I'm better as a memory than as your man.

Much love to all my beautiful friends. *MUAH*

Just Had a Bad Weekend

I need a couple minutes to spill all the shit laying on my mind. My boyfriend broke up with me on Saturday night, so that would make him my ex. I am pretty upset. But not because he broke up with me necessarily, but now I am gonna be lonely. And I hate being lonely. And when we were good, we were really good. But those moments were few and far between. I am going to be okay, but it still completely sucks.I hate crying and I hate being sad, but I can't help it. I need to be single for a while. I wasn't wanting to date when I started dating him. We had been together for just over a year and we live together, and now that is all over. I hate the sudden way it all happened. I havent been happy in this relationship for a long time, but I was not ready to let go, and now I have to. His family is so amazing and now I feel like I have to let them all go too, and that is what really hurts. The worst of all. That is just the tip of the iceberg but I can't think about it anymore because I can't see. I wish i could just not care sometimes. I think that would make today and tomorrow easier. I am just so sad.

I have to get up in a few hours, but, what the hell.

Sometimes, I kinda feel like a bad mom.
And then, there are days that aren't too bad.
Today, well, was just like any other Sunday. We all slept in, well, except for Cameron, sleeping in for him is around 8ish. So, Nick and I slept in. Until Cameron decides that he is not going to have any of that. He comes into the bedroom, and says probably 100 times that he wants to watch a movie. Why did i let him say that over and over again you ask? Because, me being the silly, stupid mom that I am, actually thought he may stop. Nope. So, I got up, a little irritated, and turned on good ol' trustworthy Spongebob thinking that that may keep him occupied for at least 30 minutes. Nope. About 5-10 minutes later he is back in my room. At the edge of the bed, telling me that he needs something to drink, he is thirsty. How can you be thirsty at 7:30 in the friggin' morning?! So, again, being the lazy ass that I am, waits for him to stop. To no avail. Nick is even more frustrated because, I suppose i should have got up after the first 30 times he said it, hehe, when secretly I was hoping he would get up first. So he gets up, kinda pissed off, and I get up right behind him. Because now I don't want this to ruin the whole day. So, we both get up to get him something to drink, and what do I see sitting on the dining room table? A bottle of water that Cameron was drinking the night before. Grr, so I point out a bit sarcastically to my son that there is a perfectly good thirst quenching beverage right in front of HIM! So, after that Cameron comes back in the bedroom once more, before he realizes that Nick is doing playing his little game of bother everyone that is trying to sleep. He is sent back to bed to wake up in a better mood. And he was like that ALL day! Whining, yelling, being a normal average day, hellion, and I was ready for him to go to bed around five, but I know better from past experiences. So today, well, it was pretty much one of those days when I could have really used some sort of sedative, for the child, and a little something for me that starts with a t and ends with equila. But I resisted. Anyways, kinda of a bad mom day for me. But it was pretty much my own fault. I just had to get that off my mind. Thanks for showing interest. Bye